Happy Fourth of July!

May your burgers be juicy. May your fireworks be fiery. And may your hearts be full of pride!

Dear Cash (Month 11)

Dear Cash,

You are now 11 months old, and it's making my heart ache a little bit. Next month - the big 1 - is going to hit me hard so forgive me if I'm a little sad that day. Watching your children grow up is a bittersweet blessing, and it's one I hope you get to experience one day. It's fulfilling, and it's exciting, and it's fun, but it's also hard. One day we'll talk all about it over a cup of coffee; I promise I'll be here to listen!



We had a great month these last few weeks. You've hit a developmental explosion, and you're crawling, standing and moving from one piece of furniture to the next (if they're beside one another), you're pulling up in your crib, and you're pointing and waving at everything! (That includes the freezer case at Dairy Queen, the overhead lights in the kitchen, and the sportscasters on TV. You're a very friendly kid.)

You're still obsessed with other babies, and you get so excited to see the little one on the yogurt container at lunch. We took you to church to stay in the nursery alone for the first time, and when we walked in and you saw all those BABIES your grinned SO BIG I thought your face might crack. You're flirting with waitresses and chatting up our waiters when we go out to eat, and you still think your cousin Lyla is the greatest thing to walk the planet. I love to see the two of you together. I hope you stay best friends forever.



I've decided that being a mother has made me a much more softer person. I don't necessarily mean a patient, more loving person - motherhood certainly does that, but it's much more. I think I've become more accepting of other people no matter what they do or say. I think I realize how much a mother's love can shape a person, and I wonder when someone does or says something rude or hurtful I wonder if they feel loved. As a mother I really know the power of love - it's a hot, fierce yet equally tender emotion, but I think you have to feel that love to share it. I empathize with others, and a lot of times I just want to give them a hug! It's how I want you to always feel: loved, safe, supported and comfortable. If we all had wonderful mamas and daddies that made us feel this way the world would be a much better place.

So, sweetheart, I'm going to try to teach you to not only love others but to feel love. Pass that on to everyone you meet in life. Leave a footprint of kindness. You never know whose life you might change.



We went to the beach for a week and had a great time with MiMi and Grumps, Paw Paw, Auntie Em, Cousin Lyla and Aunt Lanie and Uncle Matt! Yes; it was a full house, but that's how you make memories. Always try to make time for family, little one, because they are truly and always will be your support system. We all love you so much and love spending time with you. Try not to ever forget how important you are to us!

You did great on the ride down there; five hours is a long time to be in a car seat. I sat in the back with you to play, and that helped, and of course we stopped several times. You were so excited to arrive at the beach house that when we handed you to MiMi on the porch you just squealed and squealed. I remember those days; it won't be long before Daddy and I will be listening to a song called "Are We There Yet?" You didn't want to go to bed that first night; you were up until almost midnight. Every time we laid you down you'd scream. I think the combination of a long ride, few naps and strange bed was just too much for your little soul. I hated to hear you cry - I cried a little, too, listening to you. But the next morning? You were your same sweet self, and no one would have ever known what happened the night before.

How on earth did you get so stinking sweet?!



This was your second trip to the beach, and you weren't very excited about the ocean during our first afternoon by the shore (much like last year!) The ocean was rough and loud, and I think the noise must have scared you because the next day when it was calmer you enjoyed it! We found out that you really like to eat ... sand. We couldn't put you down without watching you like a hawk because all you wanted to do was shove your pudgy hands in the sand and then lick your fingers! You and Lyla had fun sitting on the boogie board watching the waves, and you loved playing in your kiddie pool on the porch.

I spent all of my summers growing up in that beach house, and I'm so excited to see you enjoy it, too. I can't wait to spend more time with you there and make more memories.



You've gotten really curious lately, or maybe you were always that way, but now that you're mobile you're getting into everything. Pull the curtains today? Check. Open the cabinet doors in the kitchen? Double check. Tear the end off the rug? Dump your milk all over the floor? Done and done. I'm running around behind you trying to, you know, save your LIFE. But I promise to let you explore, too. It's easy to persuade me to let you explore. Your father? Well, that's a different subject. I'll let you discuss that with him.

We had one exciting afternoon when you decided to reach down and grab a handful of POO and try to, I don't know, paint with it? The funny thing is it didn't even phase me. I mean, your mama is the Queen of Gag, and it didn't bother me one bit. It's moments like that I know I'm truly a mother. I appreciate your teaching me these lessons, but next time can we use, say, jello instead? I'd appreciate it.



I started planning your birthday party yesterday, and I'm excited to see you dig into your cake and open your gifts, but I'm not quite ready to have a toddler. I noticed this morning that your fifth tooth has cut through - five teeth! Better to eat your grapes and nilla wafers with, right my dear? I've loved having you as a baby, and I'll always love having you as a son. I've seen you crawl for the first time, clap for the first time, and I never tire of hearing "ma ma ma ma ma ma."

We have so many fun times ahead of us. Swimming lessons. Riding a tricycle. Sharing ice-cream cones. Running through the sprinkler.

Maybe watching you grow up isn't so bad, afterall, as long as you let me share in your experiences. Everything you accomplish amazes me. I adore you my little chicken noodle, cheese doodle, curly poodle boy.

Love,
Mama

Dear Cash (Month 10)

Dear Cash,

Today you are 10 months old! Today is also Mother's Day and it's been extra special for me. I've just laid you down to sleep after a long, full day of fun at MiMi and Grumps' house. We spent the entire afternoon with your aunt and uncles and cousins and you couldn't have been a better baby! You had so much fun being passed around from person to person, and they loved passing you around, too. Like your grandma always says: Cash, you're better than TV! It's true. We all love you so much. It was my first Mother's Day, and from its beginning when you and Daddy woke me up with a card and gift to the end when you fell asleep in my arms it has been perfect.



We've spent a lot of time at home this month, but that's been fun for us. We've given your new playroom a good workout; you have new chairs and toys and you can roll around with ease. I love watching you play! You love, love, love your soccer ball and can spend an hour at a time catching it and pushing it back to me. When I ask you "Where is the ball?" you look right to it. And you'll grunt and squeal like a little piglet if we don't hand it right to you. I always wonder: Will you always love soccer? Are you going to love to play sports or watch them with Daddy?

One day I looked out the window and saw you in the wagon watching Daddy throw the baseball up and catch it. You were mesmerized. I love to see the two of you together. Daddy and I teach you such different things, and I hope you benefit from watching us do the things we love. Cook. Play sports. Take photographs. Garden. And read - especially read. You've loved listening to Mr. Brown this month, Daddy bought it for you, and I love to see you get excited about hearing a story!



Remember those moments I told you about? The ones where I look up and it surprises me a bit to see a glimpse of you as a big kid? Well they're happening more often these days, which is no surprise of course as you're growing leaps and bounds by the day! But it hasn't been that long since you were a teeny tiny thing in my arms. Tonight I held you awhile longer than normal after you fell asleep taking your bottle. I took a moment to feel your little legs and listen to you breathe. Your little lips still had a bit of milk on them, and at that moment you seemed so small. I know it won't be long, however, before you'll be pushing me away so that you can move and jump and do things on your own. So forgive me when I squeeze too tight and hold on a little longer than normal. I'm just trying to memorize you.



There are times when your little at. ti. tude is starting to show. Aunt Emily saw it this afternoon when she wouldn't let you have her necklace. I know what you were thinking: You let me have those other (play) necklaces so what's the difference? Your memory is so good, and you're so curious. I try not to say no to you too often so that you can experience things and learn, but I can also see the day coming when it will be time to start setting limits for you. I wonder how you'll react when that happens. Will you be easygoing as you've always been? Or will you be strong-willed and push us to our limits? I pray that God will give me the wisdom to know when to rein you in and when to set you free. I think that has to be the hardest thing for a parent to learn. It's hard to let your baby go no matter their age. I'm already feeling it.



You have two more teeth now! My big boy has four teeth, and you're eating everything these days to prove it. No one can eat around you without sharing, and I'm so excited to see you enjoy your meals. You ate a great lunch today at MiMi's so of course I had to share dessert with you: chocolate cake. You like it about as much as your father: With every bite you think you've died and gone to heaven. It's adorable, of course. Your appetite is gigantic, and of course that's because you're growing. At your last doctor's visit you were 27.5 inches and about 17.9 pounds. You're a bit small still, but the doctor said considering where you started and the size of your parents you're right on track. But like always I already knew it: You're perfect.

I think you're on the verge of crawling. You get about halfway there and whine a bit when you want something. You want to get it so badly yourself, and I think your brain knows what to do, but your legs haven't figured out how to follow! You've started pulling up on me if I'm on the floor with you, and you love to stand. You're even willing to let go, but of course we can't allow that because you'd fall straight back if we did! But I'm glad to see you're brave and willing to do things on your own. I want you to be adventurous and courageous (but of course have a good head on your shoulders, too.) We'll figure out how to be all those things together.



As a mother I've been experiencing something new: the fear of possible loss. I've never wanted to keep anything else so close to me before. If I let myself think about it, it can be overwhelming: I love you so much it hurts. I'd do anything for you, anytime, anywhere. I've always heard that a mother's love is like no other, and it's true. It's a good lesson for me and for anyone, really, to put someone you love before yourself.

My sweetheart: You can make me proud. You can break my heart. You can make me angry as the ocean during a hurricane. You can make me as happy as a field of daffodils in Spring. You can make me tired. You can energize me. You can confound me. But no matter what you do. Regardless of what you do. You are always, always loved.

Love,
Mama